Duke Nukem and Hulk Hogan's Fantastic Adventure 4
One time, there was a spaceship filled with a bunch of cool people, which crash landed on a fucked up planet called Mobius. Everyone got out and decided that they should find parts to build a new ship. "Where the fuck are we?" asked Duke. "Yo yo yo yo." said Soulja Boy. "You know where we are?" asked Duke. "Naw," said Soulja Boy. So then Hulk pointed to some robots in the distance. "Let's ask those things," he suggested. "B-B-BUT WHAT IF THEY'RE HOSTILE?!" worried Brook. "Brook man don't be such a pussy," said Soulja Boy. Soulja Boy went over and the robots, whose names were Snatch and Groundher. "Soulja Boy! Be careful! They could be dangerous!" yelled Hulk. "Yo, don't worry about me, y'all. I'll handle this wit class" said Soulja Boy as he walked up to the robots. "YO BITCH, WHERE DA FUCK WE BE" yelled Soulja Boy to the robots, who responded "This is Mobius!". At least according to Groundher. Snatch merely smacked Grounder upside the head, and told him "QUIET!" This aroused some suspicions amongst our heroes, so they rubbed their chins, wondering if the information they were being given was true. But then Groundher noticed Upload wearing his traditional Sonic hat. "SCRATCH, LOOK, DERE'S SONIC!" said Groundher. "HAHA-HAHAAAAAA! LET'S GET HIM!" said Scratch. They ran towards him. "ahh me in trouble" said Upload. So Duke and Hulk stopped Snatch and Groundher in their tracks. Brook then played a soft-sounding tune with made them fall asleep. So then, Duke and Hulk ripped them apart to use as parts for their new ship. "Upload, do you think you can make a new ship for us?" asked Duke. "yes but it take me few hours" Upload responded. "Well, in the meantime I think we should try to find out how to get to Namek from here" suggested Hulk. Everyone nodded. So they started wandering around and they noticed an egg-shaped individual in the distance, so they debated on whether they should go up and ask him for directions or not. "What if he's dangerous?" asked Brook. "Don't worry, we can beat anyone!" said Duke. "This is true," said Hulk. "Yo yo, what about McBaldy? He's still passed out. What if someone attacks the ship with him in it?" asked Soulja Boy. "Good point. I don't think Upload can guard McBaldy, the ship he's building, AND himself. Brook! Go back and keep guard, okay?" said Duke. "Roger!" said Brook. So Duke, Hulk and Soulja Boy walked up to the egg-shaped man, and then as they got close, they realized he was in a bath tub. "I TOLD YOU, DON'T INTERRUPT ME WHILE I AM TAKING MY BATH!!!" he said. "Drey. We never even met you before bra," said Soulja Boy. "Oh, I'm sorry about that," said the egg-shaped individual. He wrapped himself with a towel and got out. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Dr. Robotnik. And who may you three be?" he asked. Duke posed. "I am Duke Nukem," he said. Hulk posed. "I'm Hulk Hogan, brother," he said. Soulja Boy posed. "Soulja Boy Tell 'Em," he said. "Lovely," Robotnik said. "What can I do for you boys?" he asked. So Duke stepped forward. "Do you know if there are any Dragon Balls on this planet? If not, we have to leave ASAP," he said. "I never heard of them" said Robotnik. "Do you at least know where planet Namek is from here, then?" asked Hulk. So Robotnik then said "Hmm... yes, I know. But I will not tell you unless you do a little errand for me," he said, rubbing his hands. Soulja Boy scratched his chin. "An errand huh? Hmm yeah okay bra--SOULJA TELLIN'." Then a white flash blinded everyone. And when it faded, Robotnik was tied up with a rope. Duke and Hulk were amazed. "Whoa, what was that?!" asked Duke. "Yo man, it's apart of my Soulja Tellin' technique yo," said Soulja Boy, throwing Robotnik over his shoulder. "IMBECILES. PUT ME DOWN AT ONCE!" demanded Robotnik. "Naw man, you're gonna lead the way to Planet Namek. Got it?" said Soulja Boy. Robotnik looked around and sensed that these warriors were out of his league. He sighed. "Okay. FINE." So they brought him back to where Upload, McBaldy and Brook were, and Upload was still fixing the ship. Robotnik remarked "That scrap metal you're using for parts looks AWFULLY familiar!" There was an uncomfortable silence, until McBaldy broke it with an urgent announcement that he had woken up, but it was all thanks to a wet dream. When he said that, Upload's ears perked up. "Good to hear you're awake! Yo ho!" said Brook. Robotnik then said "Wait a minute. I recognize this scrap metal... SCRATCH! GROUNDHER! YOU MURDERED MY ROBOTS. NOW I WILL MURDER YOU." Robotnik struggled and then realized he was tied up with ropes. "OH FUCK MY LIFE," he said. Duke and the gang laughed at him. Upload was done building the new ship "it done and there mario wacky waorl.smc game on ship" he explained. So everyone got on board, and they brought Robotnik with them. "Remember bitch, lead us to Namek or you're fucked!" said Soulja Boy. "Yes yes, I understand" said Robotnik. The ship started to take off. While in space, Upload played the stupid Mario's Wacky Waorl.smc game. McBaldy stared out the window, depressed over the death of his brother. Brook was writing a song called "Bad to the Bone." Robotnik was leading the way. They were expected to arrive at Plane Namek any minute now. So, Upload started preparing the ship for its necessary precautions so they could land on the planet. They landed. So then, some weird looking fuckers were watching in the distance. "Hey, look at those guys," said Fucker 1. "Yeah, let's blow up their ship because we're assholes," said Fucker 2. So Fucker 2 fired a blast at their ship, and it exploded. "FUCK!!!!" said everyone in unison. The two fuckers landed in front of them. "You guys are coming with us," said Fucker 1. But Duke and Hulk, furious, killed the fuck out of the fuckers. Then the gang feasted on their remains because they were hungry. "Yo man, I wonder who sent these guys," wondered Soulja Boy aloud. So, the whole time, Robotnik had to eat without the use of his hands, which amused the rest of the gang to no end. They refused to untie him. Robotnik became a ticking time bomb, and then he said "I HATE YOU GUUUUUUUUYS!!!" and bared his teeth, which had the word "HATE" tattooed across them. "UNTIE ME AT ONCE!!!!!!!!" he demanded again. "No way, brother," said Hulk. Robotnik grinded his teeth and broke free from the ropes. Everyone gasped. "I'LL BE ON MY WAY NOW!" he said. But then he noticed Upload wearing his Sonic hat. "It's... It's that hedgehog! MY SEARCH IS OVER!!" he exclaimed in joy. He picked up Upload and ran off, and he ran pretty fast even though he's morbidly obese. "oh no" said Upload. So Duke and Hulk pursued him while the rest stayed behind, and while running, Robotnik ran into a village. It was full of green people. "Whoa. They sure have some strange niggers on this planet" said Robotnik. Then, a silhouette appeared while stepping out of the biggest house there. It had horns and was floating in this giant piece of shit pod thing. Once it came out into the light, Robotnik noticed it was an alien holding two Dragon Balls. The alien said "These balls make me feel something that resembles joy I think. I want to caress them." Robotnik chuckled. "Haha! It's nice to see a grandmother who's still into sex," he exclaimed. The horned alien heard this and became enraged. "YOU FOOL! I AM A MAN!!! AND I AM THE MOST POWERFUL BEING IN THE UNIVERSE!!!! DIIIIIIIIIIE!!!" 'He' fired a beam. Robotnik held Upload in front of him, thinking this would be an easy way to get rid of Sonic once and for all. "ah me in trouble" said Upload. But Duke and Hulk arrived on the scene in the upload of time and deflected the beam. Then, the alien made a "O_O" face. "Who are you?" asked Duke. "Yeah, and why are you holding our fuckin' Dragon Balls?!" yelled Hulk. "Ohohoho. My name is Freeza. And did you say your Dragon Balls? Ha! These are MINE. I'm going to make Shenlongpenis make me FOREVER YOUNG!" yelled Freeza. Duke started singing. "Forever young, I want to be, forever young..." Hulk joined in. "Do you really want to live forever... and ever... and ever?" So eventually, Duke, Hulk, McBaldy, Soulja Boy, Brook and Upload were all singing. This pissed Freeza and Robotnik off. "You fucking morons! Why are you singing such a retarded song at a time like this?!" yelled Robotnik. "Ikr," said Freeza. "Hey, you aren't such a bad guy, Mr. Freeza. Mind if you and I team up?" asked Robotnik. So Freeza said "No. I have no need for weaklings like you." He fired another beam at Robotnik, and Robotnik was dead. "TTFN, Tah Tah For Now!" said Freeza, and he and his gang flew off with the Dragon Balls. Duke and Hulk made clenched fists. "Damn, now what do we do?!" Duke yelled. The two made their way back to the destroyed ship and explained what happened. "Aw mang, this sounds serious mang," said Soulja Boy. "aw man he die" said Upload. "We know," said everyone else at once. "How many Dragon Balls did that freak have? I have a feeling this is going to be trouble" said Brook. So a pink fucker with a spikey head landed in front of them. "HAHA. YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT LORD FREEZA." he said. Duke and Hulk made light work of the pink fucker. "Please, if his minions are this weak, I doubt he's too much of a threat!" said Hulk. "Heh heh heh... you're wrong..." said the pink fucker with his dying breath. Everyone exchanged glances. Then, they looked at Soulja Boy. "Soulja Boy, what can we do? These brothers can fly and shit" said Hulk. "Well... I can fly too. It's part of Soulja Tellin" said Soulja Boy. "Whoa, sounds like some amazing stuff. What else can Soldier Telling do?" asked Duke. "I'll explain lata. Drey. But right now, there ain't enuff time bra. We gotsta get dem Dragon Balls ASAP! First, I'll teach y'all fuckas how to fly" said Soulja Boy. A few hours have passed by. After Duke and Hulk were trained under one of the many forms of Soldier Telling, Soulja Boy said "Okay my homies. Now I think we be ready to retrieve them Dragon Balls." Duke and Hulk nodded. The three of them flew off, looking for Freeza. Brook stayed behind to look after McBaldy and Upload again. They were flying and flying, until they came across a faggot with blue skin and green hair. "Mhmmm yesss, you will not be getting those Dragon Balls. Not if I have anything to say about it," he said. The four had an all-out brawl. This guy gave them more trouble than the pink guy, but they killed him. "ENUFF Z'NUFF. LET'S GET THOSE DRAGON BALLS ALREADY," said Soulja Boy. The three continued to fly, when Duke stopped. "Wait a minute, just HOW will we be able to find the Dragon Balls? We're technically blind. It looked like Freeza had a device that could track down the Dragon Balls," he said. "My brother, you have a point. Maybe we can kick Freeza's ass and steal the device he has" said Hulk, so Soulja Boy then said "Look up there!" he pointed to the sky. Some spherical space pods were headed towards the planet. "I wonder if they have anything to do with that Freeza fag? Let's go check it out." Duke and Hulk nodded. The three flew in the direction of the space pods. And they arrived. As the creatures stepped out of their pods, they noticed Duke, Soulja Boy and Hulk waiting for them. "Ohh, who the fuck are you motherfuckers?" asked the leader. Duke, Hulk and Soulja Boy posed while saying their names. "AW CAP'N, THEY STOLE AH GENIUS IDEA!" said the red . From left to right: Recoome, Guldo, Ginyu, Jeice, and Burter.]]humanoid creature. "No matter. We can still do OUR introduction! Are you ready, men?" said the leader. So then they were like "I'M RECOOME." "AND IIIIIIII'M... BURTER." "HOOWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. OY'M JEICE." "HAH. NYAH. GULDOOOOOOOO." Crotch shot of my asshole. "CAPTAAAAAAAAAAAIN GINYU!" "ALL OF US TOGETHER ARE.... THE GINYU FORCE!!!" Duke, Hulk and Soulja Boy stared in silence. Upload appeared, and said "wow that gay". Ginyu was enraged. "RECOOME, ATTAAAAAAAAACK!!!" Recoome leaped forward like a ballerina, so Duke, Hulk and Soulja Boy got in their guard positions. Recoome attacked. "HAYAHAYAYAHAAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYSOYAYHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" said the four of them, fighting all at once. "me have to get away" said Upload, while on the ground, because he forgot how to run for a few seconds. He then got up and started to speed off. "NOT SO FAST!!" said Guldo. He froze time, and managed to catch up to Upload and grab him and take him hostage. Duke, Hulk, and Soulja Boy didn't notice this as they were too busy fighting Recoome, so Guldo stuffed Upload in a cardboard box and hid him in a cave, because the sight of blood made Guldo nauseous. So the three finally defeated Recoome and ate his remains. Ginyu stared in horror. "JEICE AND BURTER, ATTAAAAAAAAAAACK!!!" he said. Jeice and Burter kept flying past them over and over again like fucking retards. So Duke, Hulk and Soulja Boy knew what to do. They looked at Soulja Boy. Soulja Boy, Duke and Hulk nodded at the same time. Duke and Hulk lept up in the air, and Soulja Boy yelled "SOULJA TELLIN!!" and made this huge bright light explode, killing Burter and severely injuring Jeice. "OY'M HAHT!! CAP'N, WHAT DO WE DO?!" as he scurried over to Captain Ginyu. Ginyu said "Don't worry, Jeice. I have a Portgas D. Ace up my sleeve. Haaaaaaaaah... CHAAAAANGE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!" he opened his mouth wide and a beam shot from it into Duke's mouth. They had exchanged bodies. "Whfsufhsduifhsuf!!!" said Duke, in Ginyu's body, "This is fucked up!!!" Soulja Boy and Hulk were confused. "What the fuck, Duke? He sounds just like you!" yelled Hulk. In Duke's body, Ginyu flew off with Jeice back to Freeza's ship. "Whoa whoa whoa, drey! What the fuck? Duke, come back!" yelled Soulja Boy. "No, that's not me!" yelled Duke, in Ginyu's body. "What da fuck happened?" asked Soulja Boy, and Guldo returned to the battlefield with Upload in the box. "I can't stand the sight of blood anymore! My Captain switched bodies with your friend. I will help you take him down. And here is your other friend," Upload jumped out of the box. The five then zoomed off toward's Freeza's ship, where Ginyu and Jeice had already landed. At the ship, they discovered Freeza had all but one Dragon Ball. "Listen, Ginyu. I need you to guard the six Dragon Balls while I retrieve the final one. Got it? If anything happens to them, I'll have your head!" yelled Freeza. "Yeah, oy'm sure you'd like head from heem a ll right! Haw haw haw!" laughed Jeice. Freeza's patience was tried, so he stepped on Jeice's foot really hard and Jeice yelped like a little bitch. "Anymore homosexual or tranny jokes about me and you will DIE next time. Do you understand, motherfucker?" said Freeza. "Y-yes, Freeza..." said Jeice. "Good. Well, now, I'll be off. Brb!" said Freeza, and then he zoomed off into the distance. So then the five landed in front of Ginyu and Jeice and had an intense staredown. "So, Guldo, you've switched sides, huh?" Guldo nodded. "Enough of this shit, Ginyu. Give me my body back, asshole." said Duke. Ginyu chuckled. "Oh, you are naive. The only way you can get your body back is if I say the words 'Change now!'" A beam then shot from Ginyu's mouth. Ginyu tried to stop it, but it was too late. The beam shot into Duke's mouth. They had their original bodies again. "DAMN YOU! ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!" said Ginyu. Ginyu and Jeice went all-out, and Guldo froze time. Everybody was standing still, and Guldo used this opportunity to grab the Dragon Balls and bury them. Time unfroze, and Ginyu instantly noticed the Dragon Balls were gone. "OH NO, THE DRAGON BALLS! THEY AH ALL GONE!!!1 LORD FREEZA WILL KILL US!!" he said. "GINYU?! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?!?!?!" Freeza had returned. "Oh, Freeza, well, you see--" Freeza shot a beam at him, which killed him instantly. Jeice tried running away, but Freeza shot him too. "You... are you the ones who took my Dragon Balls? WHERE ARE THEY?!" Freeza asked. The five warriors got into their battle positions. Soulja Boy cuffed his balls. Freeza said "you people piss me off... did you know that? GULDO!! What the FUCK are you doing working for them? If you work for me, I will let you live. I promise. You know you don't stand a chance in hell against me!" So Guldo looked at Duke, Hulk, Soulja Boy and Upload, and started to run away from the battlefield. "THE SIGHT OF BLOOD MAKES ME NAUSEOUS!!! I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT ANYMORE!!!" he screamed. Freeza shot him. He was dead. "Yo man, that's sick. That little dude just didn't want to fight no more, why'd you have to kill him? You really are a bastard." said Soulja Boy. "THAT'S ENOUGH OUTTA YOU," said Freeza. He shot a little beam through Soulja Boy's chest, which knocked him out. Everyone gasped. "oh no he hurt" said Upload. Freeza cackled. Duke and Hulk yelled at Soulja Boy. "oh my god we fuck" yelled Upload. "He's right," said Duke. "We should have learned more about Soldier Telling when we had the chance," he said. "Well, Soulja Boy said we wouldn't have enough time anyway" said Hulk. "I guess so..." said Duke. "Are you fucking pussies done chitter-chattering? I have a little proposition I'd like to ask you in my native language" said Freeza, and Duke glared. "I'M LISTENING," he said. "ALLOABLAIBRIBARLIABRYAR" said Freeza while jacking off. "It means--" Duke and Hulk cracked up. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?!" asked Hulk. Freeza made an embarrassed face. "Grrrr.... ENOOOOOOOOOOOUGH!!!!" he jumped all the way to his final form because he was so pissed. "Hey look, he's not horny anymore!" said Hulk, because Freeza lost his horns. Get it? He and Duke laughing. Freeza then jumped forward and punched Hulk in the gut. "GUUAH..." said Hulk, falling over, unconscious. "HULK!!!!!" yelled Duke. He glared at Freeza. "You.... won't.... GET AWAY.... WITH THIS!!!!" he said, clenching his fists tight. Freeza cackled. And Duke got a huge aura around him. His hair was already blond and it was already sticking up because it's so short. "I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP, YOU DICK-LOVER" yelled Duke. "u mad" said Freeza. "hey he talk like i do" said Upload, so Duke then said "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and his hair shot up five feet in the air. Freeza gasped. "What?!!?!" He had read in the Namekian Bibble that a dark tyrant would be overthrown by a tall-haired warrior. He had a bad feeling about this. Duke turned to Upload. "Upload, listen very carefully to me. Take Soulja Boy and Hulk back to the ship immediately, got it?" he said. "ok me will" said Upload, dragging their bodies to the destroyed ship. Duke then glared at Freeza. Freeza was shitting his pants even though he was not wearing any. Then, Freeza began to open his mouth, but was cut short. He was impaled through the chest. But it wasn't by a sword or fist. It was by a gigantic penis. Freeza began to bleed all over the penis, and a latin metal song started playing in the background, with the person behind Freeza licking the blood off of the penis. Freeze fell to the ground, dead. It was none other than Dr. Robotnik! "That laser only gave enough force to my beautiful belly to knock me out, so I was temporarily suspended. Now that I got my revenge on him, it's time for you to pay for what you've done. And then, I'll get the Dragon Balls, and wish for the best pingas in the world!!!" Duke then said "Listen you fat fuck. Thanks for killing Freeza and all, but we have something we need to wish for first. You should know not to fuck with me. LOOK AT MY HAIR." Robotnik looked "Fuck... you're right. Look mang, I'm sorry. Can we be friends?" Duke reverted back to normal. "Sure!" They shook hands. "This way, to the ship," said Duke. Duke walked forward. Robotnik had a gleam in his eye. "LIKE FUCK I'D MAKE PEACE WITH YOU" and hit Duke upside the head with his large penis. So then Duke was extremely pissed off. "STELL, DAMMIT, YOU GAVE ME A SHITTY SPACE SHIP, IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME THE POWER TO KILL THIS FUCKING OBESE BASTARD, I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOUUUUUU!!!!" Duke's hand was glowing golden. A gigantic beam was shot from it. Robotnik tried to run away, but it was no use. He was completely vaporized. After the beam had cleared, Duke dropped to his knees, shaking from all that he had been through. He dug up the Dragon Balls that Guldo had buried, gotten Freeza's Dragon Ball, and staggered back to the destroyed ship which Upload started repairing when he got back. Upload, McBaldy and Brook were overjoyed to see him returning with the Dragon Balls. "Yohoho, you're alive!!!" said Brook. "yay u back" said Upload. "YES! WE CAN WISH MY BROTHER BACK!!!" said McBaldy. Then, Upload said "wait wat mike got died?" McBaldy said "Yes, he died." Upload responded with "u meen he dead." Duke said "alright, first things first. We have to make our wish." They all stepped outside. The Dragon Balls were gathered. So then Duke cracked his knuckles. "GREAT DRAGON, HEAR MY HOOOOOOOOWL!!!" he shouted. The sky turned pitched black. The balls glowed. The dragon appeared. Duke was confused. "Wait a minute, you're not Shenlongpenis," he said. The dragon said "NO, I AM PORBUNGHOLE-A. YOU HAVE THREE WISHES. WHAT WILL THEY BE." Duke said "First wish: Resurrect Sci-Fi Habrelewicz. Second wish: Resurrect Brooke Hogan. Third wish: Transport my friends and I back to Earth, specifically Duke City." The dragon said "Ummm... okay, I guess." The dragon started to glow. Since he was naked, his giant penis was visible. It slowly got erected. "Okay, Sci-Fi and Brooke are alive. They are back where they died. To get back to Earth, you must enter my dickhole and I will have to masturbate with you in it, so that my cum will shoot you guys all the way there. Does that sound like an okay deal?" So then Duke said "No way. We can just have Upload fix our ship. Right, Upload?" Upload was jumping up and down. "me want ride cumshot" he said. "NO YOU STUPID FUCK!" said Duke. But it was too late. The dragon picked up Duke, Upload, McBaldy, Hulk, Soulja Boy and Brook, and shoved them up his urethra. "Okay, let's-a go," said the dragon. He fapped hard. Then he jizzed. The gang rode the cumshot through the galaxy, and landed back on Earth. The impact woke Hulk and Soulja Boy up from their unconscious state. Everyone found themselves in the ruins of Duke City, face to face with Sci-Fi and Brooke. So they were all happy. Brooke was excited to see cum everywhere, so she had a feast and licked it sexually off of everyone. Everyone enjoyed it, except Upload who wanted to lick it off by himself. Everything was back to normal. Spencer, Lotso, and Freeza were all defeated. Ten years later... We find ourselves back at the rebuilt Duke City. Hulk has decided to move his Pastamania! resturant here, and it's getting great business. Duke still resides in his apartment because it holds so many dear memories. Brook hung around with the gang for two years until he decided to reunite with Luffy. He stayed with Luffy for two years more until he became the King of the Pirates, and decided to return back to Brooke. They fucked some more and eventually had a son, named Brook Jr. Soulja Boy. Soulja Boy continued to compose beautiful rap songs. And one afternoon, while Duke and Hulk were enjoying a couple of beers on the top of his apartment building, Lord Stell descended down in front of them. "Oh, it's YOU," said Duke. Lord Stell's face turned red. "I am sorry, you guys, for giving you that faulty spaceship. And for the ten-year-late apology. But here, here is the ultimate YOU'RE WINNER! trophy." A giant trophy descended down onto the top of the apartment building, with Duke and Hulk's faces carved into the sides, for all of Duke City to see and admire. Duke and Hulk exchanged glances. "Alright, we forgive you," said Duke. "Just tell us," said Hulk, "is... is it over?" Lord Stell ran his fingers through his beard. "For the foreseeable future, yes... Your quest, which I foresaw in a dream, is complete. That's not to say there won't be any more adventures in the future... But now, you and your friends can finally relax." Duke and Hulk high fived eachother, and got out their cell phones, and invited Soulja Boy, Brook, Brooke, their kid, and the Sci-Fi Brothers., over for a well deserved barbeque. They all had a lot of fun. THE END. .............................................For now.